Zani doesn’t want to be petted
Newsflash. Not all dogs want to be petted. But you wouldn’t know it from watching videos on YouTube.
What you can learn on YouTube is that there are lots of dogs whose owners _think_ they are enjoying petting. But they aren’t. This is another one of those disconnects between dog and people language. People who clearly adore their dogs–and whose dogs love them–post videos of said dogs saying in every polite way they know how that they would like the human to STOP.
And in all of the millions of videos on YouTube, I haven’t found one that plainly explains a way to tell if a dog enjoys petting. Since this is Dog/Human Communication 101, I took a stab at it.
I made a video that demonstrates a “Consent Test” for petting. A Consent Test is a way to tell if a dog likes something. It’s very simple. If you cause the activity to stop, does the dog take action to make it start again?
I didn’t invent this, of course. Jean Donaldson describes this technique in Oh Behave (actually with humping, to see if the humpee minds). Many trainers use it as a way to tell whether rough or one-sided looking dog play is enjoyable for the smaller or less assertive dog. You remove the stronger/more active/suspected bully dog from the situation and see whether the other dog tries to re-initiate play with him or her. If you were unsure about both dogs, you could try the test each way.
Some people learn about it in a formal way, and some people just intuit it as a way to understand the communication of a non-verbal animal. It’s one of those things that seems obvious to do after you hear about it or figure it out.
In the video I show the petting consent test with two of my dogs. Zani says, “No” to more petting. Summer says, “Yes.” I go over some basic body language that supports their answers.
Here is a short list of body language indicators, yea or nay, for petting. Of course all of them vary with individual dogs, and context is very important. These are generally accepted observations but not set in stone.
Dog Likes Petting
- They initiate it by moving into your space
- They put their head or body under your hand
- They pull your hand toward them with their paw
- The muscles of their face are relaxed
- Their eyes get droopy
- They flop their body down like a rag doll
- They flop their body onto YOU
Dog Doesn’t Like Petting
- They duck their head away when you reach for them
- They move away
- They look away
- They leave the area
- They yawn
- They scratch themselves
- They lick their lips
- They lift a paw
- They show “whale eye”
- and of course some more obvious things like growling and snapping
Signals that Could Go Either Way
- They lick your hand. This could be appeasement, meaning “please stop.” Or with a mouthy dog it could accompany nuzzling into your hand to solicit petting.
- They flip over on their back. This could be an inguinal display, an extreme display of appeasement. Or it could be exposing their tummy for petting.
- They push against you with their paws, straightening their legs. This could be a distancing maneuver, but some dogs seem to enjoy it as a way to stretch.
- Lip licking can actually go either way too (one of my dogs smacks her lips in slow motion when she seems to be enjoying petting), but I think is much more common as a stress signal.
In the case of these more ambiguous signals, you need to look for other indications from your dog. In fact, look at the context for all of the signals. Next time you see a dog yawn, you may think, “Oh no, stress!” And miss the fact that the dog just turned three circles in a bed and lay down.
Addendum: I created a followup post with more examples of dogs (my own and others’) enjoying petting: Dogs Who Like to be Petted or Touched.
Training a Dog to Enjoy Petting or Handling
Petting is a not essential to life with a dog. But a certain amount of handling is necessary for the health of the dog. A dog can learn to enjoy both handling and petting through the use of classical conditioning. A dog taught to accept handling will be much less stressed at vet visits, for example. That’s a topic for another day; I just wanted to mention that dogs’ preferences (just like humans’) are not set in stone.
Educating the Public
I wish some more folks would publish some videos about petting dogs. I know that in the grand scheme of things there are many worse things that happen to dogs in the world than forced attention. But this is a microcosm of many of the bigger problems. Think how many dogs could have happier lives if their people didn’t misunderstand their reactions. It’s such a simple thing.
I searched for videos on YouTube of dogs enjoying petting and got some pretty horrifying results. I found only one video on the first page when I searched “dog enjoys petting” that actually showed a dog who appeared to be enjoying himself, and re-initiated contact when his owner stopped.
So let’s make videos. If your dog likes petting, show the world what that looks like. Or perhaps you have some old footage of your dog reacting with dislike to some aspect of handling that you wouldn’t mind posting and labeling. I already have a new video in the works with Clara, who is not very subtle about her preferences. It’ll be good for a chuckle.
Related Resources
Doggonesafe.com: How to Love Your Dog – Believe it or Not. This little gem describes ways to ask the dog’s consent, encourages getting to know one’s dog’s language, and suggests ways that humans and dogs can be physically close to each other without intimidating or “over-touching” the dog. The whole website has great stuff about learning to read dogs and keeping kids safe around them.
Dogs Like Kids They Feel Safe With. This is a wonderful movie about teaching dogs with a clicker and teaching children with TAGteach with the goal of comfortable and safe interaction between the two. Children who are fearful and and children who tend to overdo with animals are both included. The children are taught about asking the adult handler’s and the dog’s consent.
Dr. Sophia Yin has a wealth of information on dog body language, polite greeting behavior (from humans), and low stress handling. Here is a page with a load of information. Free Downloads: Posters, Handouts, and More.
Family Paws is another great site that focuses on safe interactions between dogs and their human family members, with special emphasis on education for expecting families and families with infants. Here is founder Jennifer Shryock doing a great analysis of a now infamous human/dog petting session gone wrong, with nice explanations of the mismatch between dog and human communication and expectations.
Observation Skills for Training Dogs. That great FaceBook group I have mentioned before.
Discussions coming soon:
- Superstitious behaviors (I know I have listed this forever. Still can’t find the old video footage.)
- Stimulus control
- Canine Cognitive Dysfunction
- Feral Clara
Synopsis of the Video
To do the petting Consent Test I suggest settling down with the dog when she is relaxed, in a space in which she can leave. Not leashed up, and not blocked into a corner or onto furniture. I suggest petting the dog, perhaps starting on her chest, then stopping to see what she does.
I demonstrate this with Zani, who just stares at me when I stop. I then show the whole clip, which shows her throwing clusters of stress signals, including lip licks, head turns, whole body turns away, and shrinking away from my hand. She says, “No” to more petting a dozen different ways. All her signs are very fleeing though, so I show some freeze frames to help us humans see what she is doing.
I contrast this with some footage of Summer, whose eyes are half shut with a look of bliss on her face, as she repeatedly walks back into my hand when I move it away. Summer says, “Yes, please!” to more petting.
It’s interesting with my dogs because Zani is very sociable and loves most people and dogs, and Summer is very retiring and generally needs a lot of personal space. Yet she tends to welcome low key petting, while it just makes Zani nervous.
Although I didn’t have treats in the area, after I finished filming with Zani I gave her some spray cheese for being such a good sport. She could have left, but chose to stick around. Probably it’s because I had the camera running and she kept thinking we would have a training session.
This is fantastic! I’ve shared it on my Pet Expertise Facebook page and I would like to link to it in an article on petexpertise.com. Let me know if that’s okay with you. – Jess
Thank you Jess, and you may absolutely link to it in an article.
Great job. I will be sharing this. I hope people watch and learn.
Thanks, Heather. I’m glad you’re sharing.
Excellant well written article! I agree with you on many points!
Will also share on Facebook. Just curious what you think on one point. I’ve been of the belief that the behaviors you state are “signals that could go either way” are actually rooted in the “dislike” realm of behaviors but can go to the “like” side through conditioning. As an example, a dog who licks its lips but clearly says Yes in other ways and seemingly enjoys the close contact, may be a dog who is uncomfortable with that contact at the core of their personality, but has learned to override their internal feelings and been conditioned to enjoy and/or seek the attention. Be it intentional conditioning or unintentional conditioning
Hi Wendy and thanks for your kind words and for sharing. I’m sure not the expert, but I agree that dogs seem to be conflicted sometimes, and that they will tolerate all sorts of stuff they don’t like because of their bonds with us and a history of fun and pleasure that is at least sometimes under their own terms. In the case of the lip lick though, I was thinking of my dog Summer, who I’m pretty sure has at least two different kinds, and that one of them doesn’t indicate stress at all.(She actually does one in this video, although her head is down and it is hard to see.) I’ll be publishing a video on that soon and you can see what you think. I’m still thinking about the conditioning aspect you mention.
A very good film with great explanations. Have a look at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Voo3blXjFpI Sorry that it is in German but you will understand it.
Gerd, thank you. You’re right; the film is perfectly understandable to an English speaker. I recommend it to anybody who wants to see a huge cluster of stress signals in a very short time, labeled in slow motion. This kind of thing is so valuable I think since dogs move so quickly. By the way I had someone punish my dog for sitting politely for a greeting recently by patting her head. I didn’t move fast enough!
Great stuff Eileen. I teach about people in my puppy classes about asking permission to pet their puppies. We pet, we stop, we see what the dogs say. If the dogs say “no” that’s OK! They are still good dogs. – Janet
Thanks, Janet. That’s great that people are learning to ask their dogs in your classes. I wish more people did that!
Another excellent informative post! Another stress signal that one of my dogs displays when uncomfortable with petting is heavy panting. I’m also curious to learn more about excessive licking which I thought might be stress, but when you put her down or take your hand away she tries very hard to continue the behaviour.
After having a dog who loved to be petted, held and lie close to me (she initiated it), it’s been a shock-er-oo to have a dog who only sometimes likes to be petted, but doesn’t like to be held and rarely likes to lie close. Over time I’ve had to learn to take comfort from her being nearby and not try to force her into being a snuggle pup. OTOH, it has improved my skill at reading her body language.
Great post on an important subject.
Thanks. Having had a couple of dogs and cats who mostly disliked petting (and one cat who was wired badly and seemed to solicit petting, then would snap suddenly into a biting frenzy) one does have to work out other ways to enjoy being together. But then it feels almost like a privilege when the standoffish ones break their rules sometimes and snuggle up.
So true! Although with my standoffish girl, when she is snuggly, it usually means she is not feeling well or is scared. She does solicit contact first thing in the morning but then it’s as if she doesn’t have time to do that “cuddly thing”.
Thanks for the post. Great discussion! I hope this helps get the word out there! I have German Shepherds and even the one who is very cuddly with me/people he knows is standoffish with new people. It’s so hard to explain to people that just because they don’t want you petting them, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you!
Hi ClearlyKrystal! Thanks for writing. Funny thing–my standoffish girl is the one in the video who is all blissed out from being petted. Most of the time she has a space bubble about 5 feet around her. When she is scared, she doesn’t want petting, but she does huddle very close to me. I love your last line. Dogs have all sorts of ways of showing they like us, but so many of them are less visible that soliciting touch.
Who knew? And
I thought (most) dogs just like to be petted!!
Great post! It always perplexes me that folks don’t see calming signals when they are forcing pets on their dogs or worse, holding their dogs down while scary strangers pet them. But when they come home and see their house in disarray, and get mad, they see the calming signals and assume it’s the “guilty” look
Thanks La Trenda, and boy is that a good point. People don’t notice the signals in one context, but then do notice (and misinterpret) them in another. Talk about selective attention! I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it. Dogs sure put up with a lot from us.
Sorry for the late response. Just wanted you to know that when you first put this vidoe out I had a seven year old houseguest. She and her Grandmother watched it with me, and they both learned a lot. It’s a great instructional video, and was a convenient segue into discussions about interacting with dogs and canine body language. Thanks again!
Lisa that is so cool! Thanks for letting me know.
Thanks so much for this video Eileen! I’m going to show it to all of the kids in my house, many of whom want to snuggle Annie the friendly pit bull even when she is saying “please leave me alone”. They pretty much think I’m making it up when I tell them that the dog is saying xyz and try to explain what I see. People also try to pet Calamity too, of course, but I’m super strict about that because she can be people reactive. It’s funny, the people who give her the most space are the ones she solicits attention from the most. It’s almost as if she’s saying “hey there, I know YOU won’t trap me into handling I don’t like, you can pet me, just here, below my shoulder blade please… ” Er, ok I may be getting a little carried away with the anthropomorphizing. Thanks again!
Oh Kate you are welcome, nice to see you here. I bet you are right about Calamity. I think most dogs learn very fast who they are going to be most comfortable with. And Calamity is wicked smart anyway….. Sorry to hear that Annie gets mauled. Hope you can win some people over.
Thank you for this wonderful and much needed lesson into how to read dogs’ body language and respect their space. I’ll definitely integrate and share this in my training classes.
Great! I’m so glad it could be useful.
It sure is useful. And many people are sharing it already!
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I’m linking to this AGAIN in an upcoming post. BTW, Barnum has two “either way” behaviors that are clearly yesses (which is nice, since he is not Mr. Demonstrative, although for a bouv, he kind of is). Anyway, ever since he was a pup he has liked to roll onto his back and have his belly rubbed. When he wants this, he seems me coming toward him (NEVER if I’m using my chair — not safe!) and he gives me a “come hither” look and rolls onto his back and looks at me with soft eyes. The other one is a lip lick, which, like Summer’s, is totally different from his, “I’m uncomfortable, please stop” lick. This is one when he is being scratched in a certain spot — usually on his neck — he lifts his chin up into the air and half-closes his eyes and stretches and licks.
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very interesting article … honestly not a subject I’d given a lot of thought to. My Newf is a velcro dog and there’s never been any question about his wanting petting – he’s downright PUSHY about it (once grabbed an old lady’s hand, with a “hey, where ya goin?” when she quit petting him to get back on her bus!) but it is interesting to see dogs that are less demonstrative in their body language.
Thanks for commenting! Yes, it’s hard to imagine a Newf that wouldn’t want petting, but I guess there may be some out there. I have another article on this topic that has some overlap in material with this one but it includes also a list of YouTube videos of dogs that are probably not enjoying petting. (Most of their owners think they are, though.) You can see it here.
This is really fantastic info! I never knew!
Thanks! Hope it helps.
Eileen—Thanks for the great article. I know it was written some time ago but I’ve been wondering about my dog for sometime now. She’s a keeshond. Question: Would a wagging tail or a tail going from down to up, indicate that she wants to be petted?
Hi Gary, Glad you enjoyed the article. Tail wagging and carriage depends so much on the dog. There’s a very general rule that a tail wagging with a high carriage may not be friendly, but the lower the tail goes the friendlier the wag might be. Down to very low wagging, which can be associated with appeasement. For one of my dogs, her tail goes up when she is excited about a critter in the yard, or even when she is aggressing, but also when she is having fun. I wish I could help but even if I could see your dog, I probably am not the person to advise on that. If you are able to take a video of your dog and are on FaceBook, consider the group, “Observation Skills for Training Dogs.” Here is the URL. You can post a video there and ask opinions. There are some really expert observers there. They concentrate on actual observing, but will do interpretation also after they have described the dog’s behavior as well as they can. Even if you can’t post a video, anyone can learn a lot about dog body language on that group I think. Glad you liked the article, and good for you for trying to figure out what your dog is saying. It can be hard sometimes.